Wellness Musing Heading Into 2021
the Wellness Journey Continues
In February of 2016, a series of personal stressors and unavoidable, unpleasant situations led me to stop taking all my psych med’s cold turkey. I am happy to say that in February of 2021, I finally feel like myself again. My dad intervened once in 2017 before I lost him to brain cancer in February 2019. When I was spending time with him before his passing, he asked me on two separate occasions, “son, are you doing ok.” I was there for him that time. I assured him that I was (though I was still struggling a bit) and that anything that came up on down the road I would be able to handle with the guidance of my counselor and psychiatrist and the support of my friends and family. I wasn’t lying, but I was comforting him in his final days with as much faith in my future as I could muster. I wanted more than anything to be alright so he wouldn’t have to worry. It turns out I was missing my purpose. Navigating justifiable VA disability services and my seemingly inexplicable self sabotaging, among other things, I seemed to have lost my way. My purpose.
You may not know this. I didn’t either. It is a depressing and debilitating thing for a committed life long altruist to lose sight of what they contribute to the greater good. It took more than writing a song to get that back. It took more than med compliance. It has taken everything I have, time, energy, attention, commitment, self determination, and my own personal unconditional regard. Tough stuff. I’ve been trying to get back to where I felt I needed to be for so long that I wasn’t quite sure where that was anymore. Never let anyone convince you that you should give up. Never let anyone or anything or any illness decide for you. I just kept going, sometimes not knowing why or how I could sustain myself in my efforts. I went back to the basics. The things I knew. I have a knack for counseling, a peculiarly effective writing process, and I want to make a difference every day. So I’ve started “Covid Era” counseling (online) with a caseload of 10 currently. Kev’s Counsel is now literally international (England, New Zealand, Canada, as well as here in Texas). I just accepted a contract to work with kids in my local community in foster care, as I am able. My third book should be in print by June 1st. I’m in the process of incorporating as a practitioner and as a publisher with a track record of literary significance and clinical success.
I feel like I’m back in a way I have been trying to get back for about 5 years now. Sure I was some use to the world during that time of searching, but I failed to see the light on many many dark dark days. I spent just as many sleepless nights staring at the sky waiting for an asteroid or meteorite to take me out. Vicktor Frankle in his book, Man’s Search For Meaning, observed and contended that without purpose we lose hope. I will take it one step further. Without hope we lose our will. Kev’s gonna be ok, now. I got my own mental health treatment in line. I returned to a sense of personal accountability, and I am living every day with purpose and steadfast resolve. Thank you to all of my amazing humans for helping me along the way. Life is good, and I love you all. 2021 can bring it on.
